Cat returns to vent his IRE

Ok so its been a while. I could apologise but this would be incongruent with the rest of the tone of this piece so FU i won't. What i will say is that i've been writing elsewhere recently and now that i am firmly encamped back in the poker scene again it makes sense to resurrect the corpse of my blog and breathe new life into the mofo.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Today's topic :- bad poker players. I have always tried to espouse the commonly accepted view of good players that bad poker players should be treated with dignity and respect as these jelly-brained suckers provide us with our bread and butter and occasional duck risotto.

Ostensibly, i still retain this charitable view, but after looking deep into my soul i have come to the realization that I actually despise these talentless mutherfukkers witha passion. I can no longer hide from this fact so instead I will embrace it and bare me soul to you.

Of course it's understandable to be disgusted when someone makes a bad play and beats your sorry ass with some lucky suckout. We've all had our Kings cracked by some buttmunch overplaying A rag and launched a tirade at the avatar of the villain, promising death destruction and a lifelong vendetta of violence against the aquatic organism in question and his clsoe family. Who knows, maybe some of you have even come good on your promises and lie languishing in some texan jail on death row, suffering nightly sodomisation by a large hairy redneck, bemoaning the fact that the dealer contrived to fill that herring's gutshot on the river. This behaviour is completely understandable (not the sodomisation) but is not what this article is about.

No, what has brought about this epiphany in me is rather the times where i WIN a pot off some cerebrally-inhibited player after they have made some dire play. Most recently i have been immersing myself in the waters of PL omaha hi lo, after graduating with honours from the 3/6 and 5/10 limit tables on party poker.

Now I'll be the first to admit that at first I took a little time to adjust to the PL game. Limit omaha/8 strategy is basically built around playing a tight range of strong hands and siphoning off the money of the lost souls unfortunate enough to pull up a pugh at the temple of the cat. Yes i owned those tables to the tune of arounf 50$/hr and indeed I will be back, once i have given the fish some time to replenish their depleted funds.

PL on the other hand is a different game. I went in there raw and green, failing to understand the increased importance of positioning and the decreased emphasis on uber strong starting hands and early on could only register a small profit. Being the cat, though, an animal skillfully tempered in the unforgiving furnace of evolution, designed to survive and flourish in a variety of hostile environments, I inevitably adapted and was soon learning some champion moves and rinsing the suckers whose game selection strategy is backward enough to allow them to sit down at my table.

There are a variety of fish who frequent these tables. It would be too time and effort consuming to give a comprehensive list but allow me to jsut run through some of the common types.

No 1 - The underbankrolled fish. Ok so we pull up a pugh sitting at the 50c 1$ PL om/8 table and obviously plonk down the maximum of 100$. I'm not quartering some muppet and then bitching about the fact that i missed out on some of his stack due to sitting down shortstacked. No sirree. So then some mark sits down with 5$. WTF? I mean what does this guy think hes going to do? A few hands later hes done his dough, due to his good hand crashing and burning when unsuprisingly his meagre bet of 3$ on the flop fails to push anyone out. Ok every1 deserves a second chance, perhaps out villain will take this opportunity to either realise he's underbankrolled for this game or cash in at least a respectable amount to give him a chance to do some damage to the bigger stacks. So, does he? Does he fuck. The useless smeghead proceeds to dig a further 5$ out of his pathetic account and set fire to it- again and again and again.

Ok, you useless bag of excrement, u know what? Much as i love releiving you daily of your 20$ as you relentless battle against the odds like some crippled geriatric ant trying to drag a shire horse up a hill, your play, decisions, strategy, and talent (or lack thereof) are so repulsive to me that i am happy to forego your humble offerings, if you would just remove yourself and your enormous backside from a game where your shortcomings are perpetually exposed by myself and anyone else with a modicum of ability. You dont belong here any more than a turd deserves to sit at the centrepiece of the crown jewels. Pls take your bags , your 50$ bankroll and your 10 second delays whilst you determine if this is the hand that is gonna win big and get you a half of a 14$ pot and fuck right off, never to darken my doorstep again, so that some real players can play some poker. Best of luck.

Ok that's enough for now. But don't think you other water-habiting types have escaped my scrutiny and wrath for i shall be coming for you soon. Watch your backs.