Mad birds in Brighton

In the last few days i have come across two bizarre situations involving the birdlife in brighton, which brought to mind a third encounter i had with a mad bird a while ago .

The first occurred when staying at one of the hotels on the sea-front. Upon checking in, i was informed by a pale-faced woman on the desk that the TV wasn't working . When i asked why this was, she explained a group of seagulls had made a nest in the aeriel, and every time a workman tried to remove the nest, he was attacked by irate gulls....

I waited for a few moments for her to break into laughter but it soon became apparent by her immutably stern expression that this was not a joke.

Surely the best excuse for shoddy service i have ever heard...

Sorry for the bad reception on your TV but we are being terrorised by a recalcitrant gang of seagulls!! - Classic.

Second situation occurred as i wandered down a boulevard of brighton i hve given the moniker Curry Close due to its ubiquity of indian eating establishments. I was jsut returning from a viewing of a flat when i noticed two pigeons apparently dancing in the road. I moved in clsoer and realised that far from dancing they were having a ruck!

They were pecking each other furiously as they circled round and round, and then came a startling development, that recalled an aspect of the night of scouse violence a few weeks back.

One of the pigeons HEAD BUTTED the other. Given my close proximity i had no doubt that this was no accidental clash of heads but a calculated attempt by one to nut the other. I even heard a mini crack as the two combatants heads came into contact. Eventually the pigeons unruly brawl was interrupted as it spilled into the street and both had to avoid being run over by a passing motorist.

It was a great fight though.

Both these occurrences brought to mind a time when i was in Victoria station. I had arrived early and had about 30 mins to kill till my train arrived. I elected to fill this void in time at the same time i filled the void in my stomach by grabbing some food. Given the paucity of selection, i plumped for the Burger King and popped in to grab me a whopper.

Eager to devour my purchase i scanned the station for a suitable locale to begin my feast. Sadly, being rush hour the station was a sea of people, with every possible spot taken.

SO i bowled over to an open patch of ground, sat on my bag and unwrapped my burger and chips on my lap. I was tucking into a few fries, when i noticed that my fast food had aroused a little interest in the nearby pigeons. One large pigeon in particular was showing an intense curiosity, manifested by regular attempts to approach me, which were always curtailed by a vigorous wave of my foot, promising things would get violent if he got too much closer.

As I ate my meal, a young lady from poland, who was standing close to me, asked me a question regarding the train timetable, which I did my best to answer from my limited knowledge. Unbeknownst to me, as I attempted to assist this damsel in distress, the pigeon had seen an opening in my defences and had taken his opportunity to mvoe in. I noticed this at the last moment out of the corner of my eye, jsut as he came within pecking distance of my whopper....

I whirled round and pushed out at the pigeon, scuppering his attempt at the last moment. He flew back ina squawk of feathers. What he did next defied belief. He flew further back into the air and then FLEW AT MY HEAD! Yes, in shock i saw this large pigeon, diving kamikaze style at my head. I can still picture it now, although my memory has oufitted the pigeon with a white bandana with a red spot on it. I managed to bat the pigeon away from head at the last moment, although in my surprise, i admit i may have made a rather feminine shrieking noise. For sure the polish girl did not look impressed. The pigeon then flew off to the rafters, scouting the area for his next victim and i finished my food and left to board my train, more worldly wise as to the physical dangers posed by pigeons.