More pet hates...

3. The bad beat that isn't a bad beat, specifically people whinging about this.

Ok, let's just clarify how poker works. You win because you get your money in ahead or with positive expectation. Therefore if u get your money in behind and the cards unravel themselves in unusual patterns then THIS IS NOT A BAD BEAT. OK??

As an example, ok you raise with KK and are raised allin. You call. Your opponent has A2. Flop comes AA x x K and u scoop the pot. When i see Mr A2 going ffs, this makes me want to slap him. I mean i want to slap him anyway for going allin with A2 but now i want to slap him even harder! THIS IS NOT A BAD BEAT.

Even if some1 pipes in, " i folded a K" and there is one out on the river, it is STILL not a bad beat. If you don't understand this concept then please either jsut give up poker, or, if in my presence, never speak. I hope that is clear.

4. People with no table manners.

OK, i can hear you guys saying WTF Cat u f*****g hypocrite, you're a rude ****** slagging off the kippers all the time!! Well, all i will say is that yes in my blog, i can be a tad scathing at times but at the table i am rarely rude to people. If I am, it is usually done in a jovial, sarcastically disguised way.

For example, I am often to be heard praising players after being beaten. Now as i rarely, if ever, get outplayed, this normally occurs after some utter salmon has sucked out on me. A typical example would be, some1 riases UTG and in position I reraise AQ sutied knowing them to have some raggedy shit. Flop comes 4 7 9, kipper checks, i know he has missed and so throw in a 3/4 pot bet, he calls. Turn is a Q, kipper bets out, i feel he has nothing and riase him a good amount. He calls, river comes a K, and we check it down.

He turns over KJ and takes it down. Conversation often runs along these lines.

Junglecat03: WOW vvvvvvvvvvvwp.
Hapless Kipper: Lucky, ty.
Junglecat03: Lucky? Don't be modest. It takes a lot of guts to call 2 big bets with K hi and then, the way you value checked when you hit your miracle 3 outer was majestic.
Hapless Kipper: Ty.
Junglecat03: You got game kid, see you at the WSOP.

The strange thing with these people is that they rarely, if ever seem to understand that they are being mercilessly mocked. This makes it a good way to admonish the kippers under their noses and they don't even realise what is going on.

Anyhoo, i have strayed slightly off topic here and no one likes a stray cat. All mangy and shit.
NO. What i dislike is people who come out with stuff after bad beats like "HAHAHAHA" or who scream "YESSSS" at the misfortune of anohter player.

I had a situation earlier where with 20 left in the 4k, 18 paid, i am down to 6k after a very barren run of cards, blinds 300 600. I get AKh and am faced with a limper UTG. I am happy to take the pot down preflop and so move all my chips into the middle, only to find the sb calls me.

Damn, i know hes prob got a big hand...

He turns over QQ.

Flop comes A (yes) x Q (FUCK) x x and he wins the pot.

"YESSSSSSSSSS" he types in the chat box.

Now, i'm not complaining about losing. He had a better hand and this was NOT A BAD BEAT. (see above) However, the least the fucker could've done was shown a bit of dignity and respect for the guy whos been battling away fro 2 hrs only to finish on the bubble with a premium hand on a coin flip. But no. He has to shout out yes. Well u know what?? I was going to say nh and wish u luck. Instead I will simply mouth fuck you at the screen and pick up my little voodoo kipper-doll and have myself some fun.

How will I do that? Its simple. I set up a little poker game with my kipper-doll and we play a few hands. And believe me, this kipper-doll is gonna suffer some mighty beats. Yes, the deck is stacked well against my little kipper effigy friend.... he's like flopping trips all over the place and facing higher sets and full houses. At one point he thinks he has the flop nailed with quad aces, but guess what? That's right mofo he gets runner runnered with a straight flush. And have a little stab in the dark at what i might be shouting at him as he gets all these bad beats??

YESSSSS, u got it.

As a finale I simulate my kipper's internet connection being cut off by sticking a calculator in front of him and removing the batteries and then I go down the traditional voodoo route of sticking a pin into his head.

Now i know some of you are thinking," Come off it cat, you're just blowing off some steam, none of this shit does anything." Check it out. Next time u diss the cat, feel the evil vibes heading your way, watch yourself get outdrawn time and again , and bear witness to your internet connection crumbling in front of your eyes. When you feel the vicious migraine kick in, maybe then you will understand the limitless potential of the forces the cat can unleash.

Seeya soon kippers.