damn you mo****f***g &!!"£"$$

Ok I said I was gonna complete my list of PL omaha aquatic lifeforms, and indeed i will in due course, don't fret.

First I want to vent some anger at this kipper i chanced across during my latest 5$ NLHE tournament. Now normally i don't play this low staked game, so what was my ass doing in this game, i hear you ask. Well i was feeling a bit tired and just fancied playing a relaxing game of poker which shouldn't prove too taxing. And that was how it proved, at least till the last few hands.

So anyway, i started quite badly as it goes, losing half my stack for some reason i fail to recall. I gradually built back up however, got lucky to win a coin flip with 88 v Aj suited of one of the good players then, with a few chips to my name, i turned on the domination and began to plunder chips from kippers left right and centre.

They were passing me chips as quickly as i could click my raise button and i soon ran my stack up to 12k or so, and entered the final table in good shape in the top 2. There were 2 fairly amusing kippers who were clearly friends of some sort, well i say friends, bum chums may be a more revealing and accurate description becuase as one would take a pot down the other would be there with his tongue firmly inserted in his chum's rear, making comments such as "wonderful play", "superbly done" and other such vomit-inducing obsequious observations.

I mean one time the guy called a riase out of position with JT off, managed to flop the nuts and him and his opponent got it allin on the turn when his oppo hit trips. I groaned in anticipation of the latest sycophancy heading toward the chat box and sure enough, it appeared in moments

Toady A "Masterful poker, you are playing wonderfully."
Toady B "Thanks there, you're playing great too."

Seriously, if this was in a live arena, they'd have been dumping bags of sawdust down to soak up the inevitable stew of half-digested carrots and other assorted chundered food stuffs that would have been flowing freely on the floor.

I attempted to assert a bit of feline quality control in the chat box by adopting a self appointed position of authority.

Cat: " Sorry bum licking is strictly forbidden at the tables, as per the blue square Terms&Conditions , could u refrain pls"

My comment was greeted with some muted messages of assent from the other kippers present. I felt that they would have lined up behind me in more vigororous support, had i not built up a slight wall of resentment myself by hammering away on their weakly protected blinds for the last 7 rounds.

Anyway we get to the final table and im in good shape. I build my stack up nicely and am looking like odds on to win when this hand happens.

Table of contents

Multi-Table Tournament
Table Name	Hand ID	Game	Stakes
MTT Table 1	4855217-132	Holdem No Limit	600/1,200
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Hand Start.
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 2 : ultzman has $16,000
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 4 : toasty2 has $7,590
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 6 : BIGVRAJI has $27,390
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 7 : Junglecat03 has $21,930
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 8 : piefactory has $37,090
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : 'Dead button' is at seat 8
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : ultzman posted small blind.
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : toasty2 posted big blind.
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Game [132] started with 5 players.
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Dealing Hole Cards.
[Oct 7 21:16:20] : Seat 7 : Junglecat03 has Ks As
[Oct 7 21:16:26] : BIGVRAJI folded.
[Oct 7 21:16:28] : Stakes: 600/1,200 Current level: 9 Level up in: 7 min. Break in: 10 min. Players : 5
[Oct 7 21:16:32] : Junglecat03 called 1,200 and raised 2,000
[Oct 7 21:16:37] : piefactory folded.
[Oct 7 21:16:39] : ultzman called 2,600 and raised 12,800 and is All-in
[Oct 7 21:16:43] : toasty2 folded.
[Oct 7 21:16:46] : Stakes: 600/1,200 Current level: 9 Level up in: 7 min. Break in: 10 min. Players : 5
[Oct 7 21:16:54] : Junglecat03 called 12,800
[Oct 7 21:16:54] : Showdown!
[Oct 7 21:16:54] : Seat 7 : Junglecat03 has Ks As
[Oct 7 21:16:56] : Seat 2 : ultzman has Ac Th
[Oct 7 21:16:56] : Seat 7 : Junglecat03 has Ks As
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : Board cards [Td 3c 5c 8h 2d]
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : Seat 2 : ultzman has Ac Th
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : ultzman has Pair: 10s
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : Seat 7 : Junglecat03 has Ks As
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : Junglecat03 has High Card : Ace
[Oct 7 21:17:05] : ultzman wins 33,200 with Pair: 10s
[Oct 7 21:17:07] : Stakes: 600/1,200 Current level: 9 Level up in: 7 min. Break in: 9 min. Players : 5
[Oct 7 21:17:08] : Junglecat03 : dire
[Oct 7 21:17:10] : ultzman : ul
[Oct 7 21:17:14] : Hand is over.
[Oct 7 21:17:14] : Stakes: 600/1,200 Current level: 9 Level up in: 7 min. Break in: 9 min. Players : 5

Oh dear. So as u can see i have 21K and AKs UTG, i riase to 3.2k. Ok now this is a small raise, some would say too small, i'll be out of position after the flop etc etc blah blah blah. I would say FU, this was my standard raise, it was getting me lots of blinds and it would encourage one of the smaller stacks to come over the top with something weaker which was my aim.

Yes if some1 outside of the blinds flat calls il be out of position, but big deal, i wont lose too much if i lose the hand and I will take the motherfukker down if i can anyway.

So toady no 2 comes over the top for what is a large riase. Despite knowing i am probably ahead i even consider folding here as i was having so much fun raping the kipper's blinds.

BUT NO i think. Let's knock one of these brown-nosing little tarts out now and hopefully cut down the GBH of the earhole. SO i call leaving myself 4k ish back.

Toady flips AT, as i suspected im dominating his sorry little pissy hand, but he goes on to hit a T and fuck my stack up supremely. He says "ul" and i go on to point out that in 5$ comps people will play AT like its the fucking nuts and proceed to blow the smoking remnants of my stack with JQ suited v A3 a few hands later eliminated in 5th for 30$.

I dont know what this c*** thought moving in there with AT but anyway having vented much of my wrath I am beginning to relax and enter a more zen-like state of detachment. Onwards and upwards, onto the next.

PL kipper definitions to be continued.