Chat banned + 7k poker dome entry miss....

I played some 2c 4c HE limt with flushie earlier. I was quite annoyed as i sat with 4k and left with 3997.56 so suffered some outrageous beats as i capped every street with flushie. Some of my language was slightly fruity and i found myself chat banned! Naturally i went to investigate this with a host.

Paula-Host (18:51:49): Hi, welcome to our poker room. How can I help you?
JungleCat03 (18:51:57): hi paula
JungleCat03 (18:52:16): it seems like someone has accidentally chat banend me
JungleCat03 (18:52:24): could i have my chat restored please

(lost some speech i quoted a bit of chat where i complained that fish kept treading on my tail and asked if that was the offending item)
Paula-Host (18:54:43): There are only a couple of notes but there are two cut and pastes:
JungleCat03 (18:54:50): if so sorry
Paula-Host (18:54:57): Junglecat03: MORON
Paula-Host (18:55:12): FU ALL this pot its DA CATS
JungleCat03 (18:55:28): but
JungleCat03 (18:55:31): the 2nd one is ok
JungleCat03 (18:55:52): the 1st one was because i am playing with my friedn royal "moron" flush
JungleCat03 (18:56:16): its all in fun
Paula-Host (18:56:34): I cant see all the details but Im afraid the ban has been applied. If complaints are received it cannot be ignored.
JungleCat03 (18:56:38): occasionally after a 1$ pot goes the wrong way i tilt a bit
call him his middle name
JungleCat03 (18:57:06): ok how long will i be banned for though because i cant insult royal flush while i am banned?
Paula-Host (18:58:22): Thats the point of the ban. Its the language between you two. Thats what people are finding offensive. Its a public forum so we have to take aeveryone into consideration. Its a 24 hr ban. Ping back tomorrow and It'll be lifted.
JungleCat03 (18:58:43): ok then thanks sorry to have disturbed your afternoon gl from DA CAT


Pretty draconian banning system they got going on there. Still I should be back on tomorrow where i will be conducting a full investigation at the 2c 4c limit tables as to who got the cat banned. Kippers watch your backs.


In other perhaps more pertinent news, played in a satellite for the Mansion Poker Dome event to be staged in vegas shortly. This is a 7k live event where the players play in a plastic soundproofed bubble, watched by audience of hundreds who can all see their hole cards and pulse rates.

In the tournament i got a few hands and outplayed some of the kippers till i got heads up with a 135 to 35k deficit. I turned this round till i just edged the lead. Then i got aces. I was raised and put in a decent reraise leaving the other player less than 10k back. They called. Flop was K hi we get it in. They had KQ River K. grrrr.

So im very short again but get back to about 40k. I get aces again...nice. I riase get called. Flop is TJ. checked to I bet pot which is called. Turn is a 9, bit of a scare card. Player bets into me i jsut call. River is a blank. PLayer bets into me again i call. They turn over KQ for the straight!! GRRRR AA cracked twice by KQ!

This leaves me roughly 20k. I get back to 35k again. Then i get JQ suited and raise. Flop comes a juicy JQ 6. the player immediately pushes i immdeiately call. they have A6 and the turn is a 6 to leave me almost dead which I am when the river isnt paint, leaving me 2nd with no prize.

Bit sick really, 7K heads up game in which i get aces cracked twice I wasn't too happy!!! Still that's poker and my disappointment was cushioned slightly due to the fact it cost me nothing to enter the tournament.

AT LAST PARTY F****** SEE THE LIGHT

I've been wrangling with party over the last few months to get my account restarted.

It all happened about 5 months ago when I won a tournament on party for 2.5k to boost my balance there to 4.5k or so. I owed a friend 500$ and he asked me if i could pay him on party. This is where i made my fatal error. I was unaware they had a transfer system so I jsut plopped 510$ on an unattended cash table with him raised to 500 hand 1 and folded for the 10$ reraise.

A few hours later i received an email from party asking if I could explain my unorthodox play and informing me my account was now locked! It crossed my mind briefly to come up with some facetious reason why I had folded. " I PUT HIM ON ACES"...."HIS RERAISE INTIMIDATED ME"...."AS WITH MOST OF YOUR CUSTOMERS I'M A SUBMORON WITH NO UNDERSTANDING OF POT ODDS."

Seeing as I was dealing with the calcutta-based customer service of Party though, i decided my weak attempts at humour would be misconstrued and probably result in them robbing me permanently, so I just told the truth that i owed my friend some money and paid him on the cash tables. They asked me to send through government-issued ID before they restarted my account. Sadly I don't have a passport or driving licence, in fact I don't have any form of government issued ID. So i provided bank statements, scans of my debit card, other bills, name of my cat, shoe size and picture of my cock(ok i made that one up) along with a plethora of other personal information yet still they refused to open my account. This caused me some consternation and I began to wonder if the useless mofos were ever gonna give me my 4k back.

I began formulating plans to launch a guerilla style attack on party headquarters. The plan was to fly over to america, breach their defences in the middle of the night and kidnap Mr Dikshit before hauling him back to cat HQ and demanding a $1 billion ransom for his return. I was already packing my cat-suit, grappling hooks and tranquilizer gun when i realised I didn't have a passport for the flight over there. DOH! However in my preparations, I did come across my old out of date passport. Wahey!

SO i shipped this over to calcutta along with various other forms and after some chasing up, party finally reopened my account. AT LAST!!!!!

Those kippers on the 3-6 hi lo tables must have been having a ball without the cat there to harass them. Limping 6669, calling all the way with 2nd pair and winning, chasing the fourth nut low draw.....WELL ENOUGH. THE CAT IS BACK!

I literally launched myself onto the 3-6 table immediately and found that all was well. It was still highly populated by utter kippers. To be fair to use the term Kipper is slightly unfair as
there are distinct forms of kipper. These are the ones i have observed there....

INDIGNANT KIPPER. These are often poor players who have no idea why they continue to lose. Sometimes they have a rough idea of the game but usually cannot understand why their top and bottom pair fails to hold up on a 356 board. They will call you all sorts of names as you cap flop and turn and your freeroll comes in. They provide moderate entertainment and tilt very easily.

"JESUS, WILL I GET A F****** BREAK. TOP F****** SET AND YOU CAP IT WITH A F******* DRAW. YOU SUCK YOU FRIGIN RETARD SUK SUK. FUK YO MAMA. YOURE SO LUCKY, I'D KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU WERE HERE NOW U FING MORON. F U"

"Sorry didn't mean to raise, I misclicked"

"****** ******** ******* ****** YOU!"

SERMONIZING KIPPER. These kippers are often 50+ and know that A2 is a good hand. They often play quite solidly, but insist on telling everyone what they are doing wrong. Any good player shuts his mouth about this as he doesnt want to educate the mugs but these kippers live to lecture. Very easy to bluff, raising with a draw to get a free card works well. Voted most likley to have his blind raised by the cat. Incidentally after raising them on a bluff at any point, if they fold, always be sure to tell them you had whatever nut hand was out at the time. They will nod sagely as they turn away whilst you laugh maniacally and piss all their money away on cheap vodka and kebabs.

"BAH i guess i fold this time, you've got to have the str8"

"That's correct. I had the nut str8, nut set, nut flush draw and nut lo, good fold"

AVERAGE KIPPER

Doesn't say much, jsut sits there calling off all their money with crap hands, calling down 2 pair. never raises. You can't bluff these folk, so don't even try. Just value bet. Even when you have KK on a KQJT board you can value bet the moron and he WILL call with worse.

SUPER-MORON KIPPER

Flushie coined this term. Super-morons have no clue how to play. Literally. Sometimes they aren't supermorons but jsut beginners but to all intents and purposes play the same. I came across a supermoron in this hand yesterday.

I have A954 and complete from the small blind, 4 handed. Flop comes AQ9. I didn't bet here which is unusual for me with no low possible and it was checked round. The turn was an A givng me a house. I bet out to catch an ace. All fold bar supermoron. River is an A to give me quads. I bet out immediately hoping he ahs a pocket pair to make a call. He calls and mucks. I check the hand history. He called me with Q456 LOL. Dopey fuker basically had Q6 hi with trip aces on the board and calls a bet. SUPER-MORON. Wish i'd been bluffing with K hi lol.

SHARK KIPPERS

Not many of these about but there is the odd good player. After a while you recognise these guys pretty quickly. Tend to be a bit more aggressive and play fewer hands. Make moves like check raises on the turn and river. Cap 3 or more ways on the flop with nut flush draws. Stuff like this brings them to my attention. Still capable of falling into the INDIGNANT kipper trap given a few shoves in the right direction though lol.

Cat back to winning ways

For a bit of variety, I've recently been back playing some 7 card stud.

I used to play this a lot at party (mainly hi lo) about 2 years ago and they've just introduced it to tribeca. The standard of play at new games to the site is always shocking and so I've refamiliarised myself with the game profitably and have been logging a 35$/ hr win rate at 1$ 2$ level. I forgot how much i enjoy playing this game. It really taxes you and although sessions can be long and frustrating, so far I'm lovin' being back on the 7 card stud path!

I also dipped my toes back in the omaha waters today. I play a lot of omaha hi lo but havent played omaha for a while. I always did ok at it but the variance can be heartbreaking at times and more than once the cat could be found hissing and spitting at the screen as a 400$ pot went down the tubes as some kipper hit his gutshot on the river....

Nevertheless at the suggestion of royal flush, i sat down and played a few sessions and managed to win and avoid any frothy rages at the couple of outdraws.

I forgot how bad the players are! I played two two hours at 1/2 level and built my stack from 200 to 500 both times for a ncie profit. One of the key hands was this one. I limp A966 with A6c in late position. A short stack in the BB made it 8$ to go. Three people called and i called the 6$ raise. The flop came K T 5 with 2 clubs. The short stack bet the pot for 33$, leaving himself 3$ back. A big stack called behind him and i also called.

The turn was a 6 to give me a set. The short stack bet 3$ and the big stack just called this. I immediately knew my set was good and i reraised pot to fold out straight draws as the pot was big enough now. The big stack called! The river was a sweet 7c to give me the nuts. BIg stack checks and i bet 50$ but he folded. I guess he had some sort of wrap draw which was a very poor call on the turn as i didnt have enough back for implied odds.

Anyway i took the pot down. (short stack just had top pair) Some other good hands and the odd bluff won me some more and I left a happy cat.

Later on in the day i played a 20$ freezeout. Had a bit of luck as you must do when the blinds are 8 mins, but was allin only 4 times in the comp. Once I had KK on a J hi board v JT which held, one time i was getting short on the final table and moved with A7, running into cobster( a fellow overthegunner)'s AK. I hit a 7. This was actually a pretty key hand i felt as he was the only player on the table who i knew to be a good player. Winning this key pot was the most important hand in winning the tourney. The other allin came earlier on in the comp when i had 7k on 300 600. This sounds like a short stack but in fact i was 4th at the time! ( fast blidns suck) I had AK and one player limped. I was happy to consolidate my position by picking up the pot preflop so i pushed. He called quickly so i expected a coin flip but instead he showed A9s lol. Anyway i won this coup and this propelled me up the leaderboard.

The final table i had the luck when i needed it, got a stack together, made a couple of good passes and a couple of good steals and one resteal agaisnt the 2nd chip leader when i had 66. Finally I got to heads up. We were roughly even when I get AQc on 4k 8k blinds. I make it 18k to go and he pushed for 40k more. I called and he showed 7s. Flop came 5 A A (YES) 7 (FOR FUCKS SAKE) 5 (MIAOOOOWWWWWWW) Most of the chips in play were in this pot so this bit of luck won the tourney finally for me and a nice 541$ went into the cats account.

Can't complain, hitting some form at the moment for win no 5 this month. Let's hope i can keep it up.....

No kipper mocking recently. I cam conscious i have deprived you of this but never fear, the latest unbridled mocking of a kipper is not far away. Brace yourself is all i can say!

Slow slow cat is back

Seems like i start the majority of my posts with apolgies for no previous updates for a while.

Well this time I'm back for good!

I'm firmly encamped in Brighton now (if that isn't a misleading term), playing poker regularly, drinking etc all the usual debauchery you would expect of the cat.

Poker news is mixed. I had a poor run of form for a few weeks, cards were running bad for me, although i still managed to turn a small profit. It struck me that this had affected my game a little so I dropped down to small and microlimits to get back on the winning team again.

Worked a treat! Last 10 days I've won three small tournaments, a 12$ freezeout for 350$, a 3$ rebuy for 541$ and a 10$ limit for 250$. I've also had quite a few final tables, and overall this last week im 2k$ up. I'm pleased with this. My game has been reinvigorated and I'm back playing decent poker so watch your backs cos the cat is out to get you.

A few other things.

No 1 Via blonde I've just discovered this great site where you can post subtitles over the top of bollywood movie clips. It's a really good idea. Here's my first effort.

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/v2/play.php?id=834

No 2 I recently attended the wedding of Laura and Ian. Many congratulations to the two of them, the day was a great success and they've got many happy years of marriage ahead of them.


Seeya soon kippers.