24

This is such a class show. I got into this late which was great as i was able to watch the various series virtually back to back. I now love it but simply can't wait till series 6 comes out. DAMMIT!

I wrote this as a possible script for the opening episode. I'll be sending it to Fox so hopefully it will air. Sorry if this spoils things for you.

7 am

Jack rolls out of bed fully dressed. He walks into the bathroom, runs the tap and splashes some water on his face. He rubs his stomach, looks puzzled and walks back into the bedroom.

He grabs his mobile phone by the side of the phone, flips it open and calls a number.

"Curtis. It's jack."

"Hey Jack. I told you not to call me after the last series. You know why"

"Yeah sure curtis. I know the main characters only have a lifespan of 2-3 series."

"That's right, ok Tony made it half way through the fifth series but he got lucky. I'm happy selling pineapples to supermarkets now so this call is over. Bye Jack"

"Wait curtis. Listen to me carefully. I appreciate this is difficult for you but i really need your help. I have this grumbling kind of noise coming from my stomach and if I don't find out what it is, hundreds of americans could die!"

"What??? How could that happen Jack"

"well its kind of annoying so If I don't get it sorted I'll probably go on a rampage"

"Ok OK calm down Jack. This is just a guess but it's possible what you're experiencing is hunger"

"what's that?"

"It's how you feel when you don't eat for a while"

"eat?"

"yes eat, it's when you put food in your mouth, chew and swallow"

"food, chew, swallow? Curtis, i think your line is being scrambled by hostiles , I can't understand what you are saying"

"I get it, of course. You've been too busy in all the previous series to eat any food. You must be starving Jack."

"Ok this food what is it and where can i secure it"

"look jack I told you I dont want to get invovled and besides there's a large stack of unstable pineapple crates next to me that needs my attention."

"CURTIS I NEED A DESCRIPTION AND LOCATION OF THIS FOOD AND I NEED IT NOW, WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME"

"Ok , well try a bacon sandwich that always hits the spot for me. Now look jack I'm really going before something bad happ......"(sounds of hundreds of pineapples falling over are heard accompanied by a muffled scream)....line goes dead.

"Curtis..... CURTIS"

Jack flips back his phone, and looks down regretfully.

He dials another number.

Time 7:14:23 beep beep beep.

Time 7:18:46 beep beep beep.

Phone rings at CTU. BEEP BEEEP DEE DOOO.

"This is Chloe O'Brian. What do you want, can't you see I'm busy? I'm behind schedule already, I haven't pulled one stupid face, talked condescendingly, or even made any hideously inappropriate comments to any of my co workers today "

"Hi Chloe this is jack. Look I know you're busy but I really need your help. I've just got off the phone from curtis. SOmething is wrong, very wrong. Apparently I'm hungry. It's got something to do with a substance called food. Curtis was filling me in but I think they got to him."

"Who got to him? What are you talking about. Jack are you back on the smack again?"

"We don't have time for this chloe, thousands of innocent american citizens' lives who live near me are at stake. Before curtis bought it he told me about something called a "BACON SANDWICH". It's the only lead we have......"

"Well if there's only one lead to a crucial part of the plot, you'd better beleive it will be the key to the problem! Ok jack what do you want me to do?"

"Cross reference bacon sandwich with the wetlist and DOD database, reposition the GTS satellite on all known previous locations for bacon sandwiches, and prepare a tac team ready to storm suspected hideaways for bacon sandwiches"

"How about I just tell you how to make one?"

"yeah that works too. I'm gonna need a schematic though....hang on chloe, the doorbell just rang....I'll be right back"

Cut to jack answering door.

Mailman :" Hi, are you jack bauer?"

"How do you know my name? HOW DO U KNOW MY NAME GODDAMIT"

"It's on this parcel for you?"

"We don't have time for this. What do you want?"

"Well if you just sign here, I can give you this parcel."

Jack draws his weapon and levels it at the mailman's head.
"I don't want to shoot you but I will. Now hand over the parcel"

"sure just sign here"

"Look, I can cut a deal with you. Presidential immunity, a new identity, a secure environment. Is that what you want?"

"Er, well, I'm happy if you just sign?? "

"WE don't have time for this. " Jack shoots the mailman in the head and takes the parcel.

"Lamest terrorist disguise ever"

Jack flips his phone back open. "Chloe, I need that schematic NOW. People are dying already"

Chloe :" But Jack, the internet's been overrun by english football fans complaining about ronaldo cheating them in the world cup, I can't get onto any websites. "

"DAMMIT. Ok who is this ronaldo and where can i find him?"

"Somewhere in germany jack, he's left an electronic trail of credit card purchases"

"What's he been buying"

"Hair grease mainly"

"DAMMIT, this is getting complicated. Chloe you know what. Sod this, I'm just gonna order a pizza. DAMMIT I don't have their number"

7:59:57 BEEP BEEP BEEP.